Back To The Drawing Board

I had a plan.  I was plan girl.  I was going to go to Ethiopia the first week in May and get my son.  I was going to be with him for Mother's Day (dream come true) and I was going to get his visa for the UK and finish out whatever wait was left for Addy's Canadian visa in the UK with family.  Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans.  Now plan girl is sad girl.  I missed one key detail in my plan.  The passport for Addis to get on a plane.  That little nugget of freedom is safely on someone's desk in Nairobi with all our other paperwork.  Will this visa ever get issued?  I went in a downward jealous spiral yesterday.  A woman annouced that she got her visa.  The catch, the reason I was jealous is that she only waited 6 weeks and I'm sitting here, STILL waiting at 9 weeks and who knows when we will get our call.  I'm happy for her, but I just want to know "what about me".  That's what I hate about this quest to have children.  It has turned me into a jealous mess.  I'm envious of people who have their children and people who's paperwork gets handled quicker then ours.  Ugh, when did the green eyed monster settle into my head & heart and set up house?  More importantly, how do I kick him out?  I know that what I feel is not uncommon.  There were other families who felt exactly the same way yesterday.  I know that my feelings are "normal" but I don't like feeling this way.  I wish I could say congratulations and mean it 100%.  Not be 90% happy for you & 10% sad for myself.  I sincerely hope that once Addis comes home the little green eyed moster packs his bags and hits the road.  In the meantime, I will try to keep my jealousy in check.  I will focus on my journey.  I will focus my energy on hoping, wishing & praying that the visa is issued soon and I can be with Addis soon.  So for now, I'm wait girl.  I have become a champion at that.  I could gold medal if waiting was an event at the Olympics.