Friday, June 24, 2011

Cofession Friday

I confess that tomorrow is Addis's first birthday.  We are having a Thomas the Tank Engine party for him.  I wanted to get a pinata but there are only 2 kids who would enjoy it and the birthday boy wasn't one of them so I left it at the store.  Maybe next year!  We will be having about 25 guests and I'm hoping the weather is nice because our little house isn't really big enough to hold that many people.

I confess that we went on a tour of a day care facility this morning.  I liked the place a lot.  I don't like the idea of leaving Addis all day while I'm at work though.  I can't believe that we already have to think about this kind of thing.  I also can't believe that we are behind the eight ball on organizing day care and should have tried to get on waiting lists before Addis was even home.

I confess we do have access to a day care that guarantees a spot if you call 6 months before you require the spot.  We will be touring that July 8th but unless it's uber amazing, we won't be staying there any longer then we have to. For one, it's $295 more expensive a month and the another, it will be on the other side of town once we move so isn't super convenient once I go back to work.

I confess that Addis has some toys that make music and noise and they repetitive noises & overly cheerful songs are driving me crazy.  Maybe if they had a volume button I could tolerate them but they are set on one volume, which if you ask me is too loud, and I can't take it much longer.  I just may have to take the batteries out and "forget" to replace them. 

I confess I am listening to Addis laugh over a balloon.  We stopped at the party store to get a balloon bouqet for tomorrow and they gave us a free balloon for Addis to play with today.  I just can't get enough of listening to that laugh.

I confess that I almost was desperate enough to eat Zoodles (well actually the No Name variety) the other day.  We are in serious need of groceries.  I haven't eaten Zoodles since I was about 12 years old.  That would be the summer I ate them every single day for lunch and now I can barely stnad the smell of them.  However, with just about nothing else to eat, I almost had to resort to them.  Thankfully I was able to scrounge up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead.

I confess that I had some kind of stomach bug this week.  I felt sick on Monday afternoon.  I felt like I hadn't had enough water or I had spent too much time in the sun.  It went away by that evening.  It came back Tuesday afternoon with a vengence.  I had to call Brian home from work because I couldn't take care of Addis.  I was spending all my time on the toilet with a bucket in my lap.  It was not pretty!  Thankfully my dad & sister were around Wednesday to come over and watch Addis for me.  I'm just starting to feel better today.

I confess that it's going to be hard for me to share Addis tomorrow with all our guests.  Mommy will need to work on share time.  It's not very hostess-y of me to hog the birthday boy.

I confess that we had to get my parents to come over and take Addis for a few hours so we could clean our house for Saturday.  I'm embarrased to admit that it was a 2 person job that took several hours.  It needed a REALLY good scrubbing from top to bottom.  Our floors were so dirty that when the wee one crawled across our floor, his sleeper would get black.  Nasty!!!

I confess that we need to make some changes around our house because things just aren't working right now  Our house is a mess (well not right this second cause we did JUST clean it) and dinners are a crappy kind of thrown together afterthought.  I think I am going to set up a cleaning schedule and meal plan, at least for the next little while.  Hopefully that will make things a little easier.

I confess I have been feeling a little blue lately.  It has nothing to do with Addis because he's really a super little boy.  I think I'm just having a hard time adjusting to some things.  I am very independant and really don't like that I am having to ask Brian for money.  I really hope that I get an EI cheque soon.  I also miss adult conversation.  I am a very chatty person so it's hard for me to not have people around that I can talk to.  As wonderful as Addis is, his conversation skills are somewhat lacking.  I am having a hard time finding a balance between Mommy and Ange.  When I want time for myself I feel guilty but realistically I know that I can't be a good mom if I don't take time for myself because I will just be burned out.

I confess that my time is up.  I have tiny little hands trying to grab the computer and looking for mommy's attention.  I guess Daddy is old news.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Confession Friday

I confess that last night I heard fantastic news.  My friends B and M got a referral for a baby boy.  I am so excited for them.  I am almost as excited as I was when I got our referral.  I can hardly wait for little DSBM to make his way home.  I wish all 3 of them a speedy journey!

I confess today I have a hair appointment and pedicure.  It's probably my last pedicure for a while so I plan to enjoy it.  I am obviously still going to have to keep up with the hair appointments but the pedicures are a luxury I just can't afford right now.

I confess that I haven't had money coming in for weeks and I really hate it.  I'm not used to not havng a cash flow and it stinks to have to ask Brian for money.  Even if it is my own money.  I put my bonus into our savings accounts so that when I didn't have money coming in I could dip into that money then.  I really hope that soon my parental leave money starts rolling in.  It may not be much but at least I'll have some money.

I confess that I am very tired of and have little patience for a few behaviours Addis is starting to display.  Pulling my hair is not a game.  No you can't play in the doggies water dish and spill the water all over the floor.  Screaming at mommy when she isn't getting your food fast enough is not nice.  Biting hurts.  I wish I could make him understand these things.  I have to keep reminding myself he's just a baby and doesn't understand these things yet.  But how do you make them understand?

I confess that I hear phantom cries in the night so even when Addis is only waking up once, I still think I hear him crying and I'm not getting much sleep.  I'm soooo tired.

I confess I have felt like crap since we got back from Ethiopia.  At first I thought I was coming down with a cold but soon realized it was allergies.  I've never been overly bothered by allergies before but this year is brutal.  My eyes are itchy, my throat hurts so much and I have swollen glands all the time, I'm stuffed up, I have sneezing fits.  Ugh, I hate alleriges!

I confess that tomorrow we are going to the Ethio Boardwalk event in Toronto and I really hope to meet some of the people I have come to know through the yahoo board.

I confess that the dogs are starting to come around more each day and are really starting to accept Addis being here and part of our family.  Oz has always been a loner and a little afraid of kids (this comes from the start he had in life) but he's so patient with Addis.  Just yesterday I went downstairs to get clothes for Addis (they were all sitting in the laundry basket waiting to be taken up and put away) and when I came up Addis had crawled into the kitchen and was right up in Oz's face pulling his dogs tags because he liked the way they jingled together.  Oz just sat there and let him play.  I fully expected Oz to get up and walk away but he stayed and seemed pleased the baby was happy.  Jax and Addis are really like peas and carrots now.  Jax follows him around and when Jax thinks Addis is doing something he shouldn't do, I get a quick bark to alert me to check it out.  Jax doesn't even care when Addis is trying to chew on his tail.

I confess that my house is a disaster.  It has not been this messy in years.  It's starting to drive me crazy.  I have to get it cleaned before next weekend because we are having people over for Addis's first birthday.  There just isn't time.  I asked my parents to come over Thursday night and take Addis out for a bit so Brian and I can clean the house from top to bottom.  It needs a really good scrubbing.

I confess that Wednesday night I went over to my friends place for some drinks.  I brought Addis with me but he only stayed an hour.  My parents came to pick him up and spent some time alone with him.  That hour and a half was the first time Addis and I had been away from each other.

I confess that I have not been very good about keeping up with the routine of oiling Addy's skin & hair.  I need to make more of an effort to do this every day.  I also need to find a better product then what we are using.  Right now we are just using baby oil but I don't care for the smell.  Addis also really hates getting greased up.  He squirms when we are doings his body but he shrieks when you massage his head.  Not sure what to do to make this a more enjoyable experience for both of us.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

One Month

We have been together for one month.  After a month I still find it hard to believe that we are actually a family.  I keep waiting to wake up and realize this is all just a dream.  This isn't a dream though.  This is real.  We are a family.  OMG!!  WE ARE A FAMILY!!! 

Over the last month we have spent a lot of time on bonding & attachment.  I think that is coming along very nicely, if I do say so myself.  However, the past month has also taught me that things just aren't what I expected them to be.

I had great expectations of what it would be like when we brought Addis home.  Here are just a few of my thoughts and the reality, in no particular order:
  • Expectation - I would have lots of time now that I wasn't at work.  I thought of all the things I could get done around the house, I was going to scrapbook & work on the lifebook for Addis.  Reality - I don't know what I do with my time.  A day goes by and I haven't accomplished anything.  I am pleased to just get a small area rug vaccumed or run the dishwasher (only as long as Brian loaded it the night before).
  • Expectation - Addis might get up during the night but it would be fine.  He will nap during the day so I would sleep when he sleeps and feel rested.  Reality - I am exhausted.  I am getting up at least once a night and while we are only up 20 minutes at a time it is still a disruption to my sleep and leaves me feeling tired & groggy.  Addis does nap during the day but they only last 30 minutes so just as I am falling asleep, he is waking up.  Trying to nap but not getting one in just makes me feel worse so I don't even try.
  • Expectation - I would be a great mom.  I would make rules and stick to them.  I wouldn't be one of those parents that bribes their children.  Reality - I am a learning mom.  I hope one day to be a great mom.  I have been guilty of doing something because it's easier to just give in then to stand my ground.
  • Expectation - The dogs would love him and be thrilled to have him around.  Reality - The dogs are jealous.  They alternated between giving him too many kisses to looking at him like the houseguest that won't leave.
Obviously, I was delusional.

While I may have had these great expectations and the reality is very different from what I thought it would be, I have to say the reality is much sweeter.  It's sweeter because it's real.  Here are just a few things that make our reality sweet:
  • Addis wakes up crying but when I walk into the room and pick him up he stops crying.  He finds comfort in my presence.
  • When I leave a room to make his bottle or go to the bathroom and he realizes I'm not there he calls "mum, mum, mum".
  • Addis is a ham.  He has such a good sense of humour.  He is full of fun and loves to make people laugh.  He has a beautiful smile and it's contagious.  His laughter is music for my soul.
  • In just a short time Addis has come to rely on us and he just knows that we will be there for him.  He doesn't seem to question it.
  • Addis is a flirt.  He gets this sly grin that he flashes at the ladies.  I think I am in trouble when he gets older.
  • Our house is full of toys and a little messy but we have a happy boy who enjoys playing and discovering how things work.
It has been a great month.  We have learned a lot about each other and about being a family.  We will continue to learn as we go.

I use to think my glass was half full but now my cup runneth over.  I am very lucky and I am so grateful that we are finally together and I look forward to what lies ahead.


Friday, June 10, 2011

Confession Friday

I confess that since Addis has come home I have no time to blog or email.  I barely get time to read the yahoo updates but rarely have time to post or respond to emails people send me.

I confess that today I had a dentist appointment and I hated every minute of it.  I suppose that's not really a big confession but I truly hate going to the dentist.  I can see 1 of 3 dentists at the office I go to and tey are all very nice but I just hate going.  The smell makes me feel nauseous.  I also had a pretty tramatic experience at the orthodontist about 4 years ago where I was left for a LONG time with all the equipment in my mouth, no suction thingy and I was told not to swallow because I had this chemical on my teeth that was used in the bonding process.  I had a panic attack.  I also got a chemical burn on my tongue.  So now I REALLY don't like going to the dentist and having all that stuff put in my mouth.  I feel like I have no control again.

I confess that Addis had his first dentist appointment and we were told his gums look healthy & the spacing looks good.  I sure hope so because I really hope he doesn't  have to have braces.

I confess that I spent about $50 on new books yesterday.  Probably not a good thing to do considering that I don't really have a lot of money coming in right now but I need some easy reading for the summer.  I just love chick lit.

I confess that we gave Addis his first taste of ice cream this week.  We met some frineds for ice cream and Brian thought it was a good ides to feed him Skor blizzard.  Addis loved it.  While I don't think ice cream at his age is a good idea, he really did seem to like it so I gave him some of my banana cream pie blizzard.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I confess that we have nothing to do this weekend.  For the first time since we've come home, we don't have plans.  I'm soooooo excited.  As much as I love that people get to finally meet Addis, I'm looking forward to some family time.

I confess that tomorrow night I am going to have a movie night.  I don't know if we'll rent a movie or maybe we'll get lucky and something decent will be on W, DIVA or SPEED network.  Either way, I want to watch a movie & eat popcorn once Addis goes to bed

I confess that I'm not upset that it's going to rain this weekend.  I don't want it to rain all the time but occaisionally I don't mind the rain because it gives me an excuse to hole up and do nothing but ride the couch and veg out.

I confess we had one bad day this week.  Addis was a little monster.  All he did was scream & cry.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.  He's normally so happy so this was really out of character.  I went through the usual suspects.... diaper change, feeding him, teething.  Nothing.  Took me all day before someone said, he probably has gas.  A few mL of gripe water and we had a differnt child in the house.  Same house also stunk, but at least we had a happy baby again.

I confess I felt really stupid for not thinking gas could be the culprit in the case of the crankies.

I confess that Brian is watching hockey right now and I could care less.  I don't mind going to see a hockey game but I just can't stand to watch it on tv.  I'm one of those people that needs to see it live to enjoy a sport.  Football is the only exception to this rule.  That is the only sport I can watch on tv.  Ok, I guess you can also add watching the Olympics.  I do enjoy watching those sports on tv.   But I never watch any of those sports except when the Olympics is on.

I confess I was pretty proud of myself for getting the dishwasher run & the stairs & landing vaccumed the other day.  I should point out that Brian loaded the dishwasher and all I did was plunck in the setting so it ran, but still, I was pleased I accomplished that much.  

Friday, June 3, 2011

Confession Friday

I confess I just woke up from a nap.  A much needed, much looked forward to nap.

I confess I didn't realize I would be this tired ALL the time.

I confess that there doesn't seem to be enough time in a day to do things.  Both Brian & I don't seem to be very good at time management.

I confess that we had a wee one with a VERY upset belly this week.  It included diaper blowouts every single time.  It's probably best if I don't show my face in the Costoc food court for a while.

I confess that I yesterday when Addis had his first solid poop in days I was thrilled.  When did I become so excited about a BM??  Boy, life sure has changed!!!

I confess we are still dealing with some jealousy with Jax but that things are MUCH better.

I confess that I am looking forward to spending time with some great friends this weekend.  They also had something difficult happen in July 2009 with their child (totally unrelated to the bankruptcy) and it brought us closer together as friends and we will be celebrating everybody being together & healthy.

I confess that at our doctors appt yesterday that we started the immunizations over again for Addis and I'm not sure which one of us cried more.  We had to do this because his paperwork didn't make any sense and the doctor couldn't make heads or tails of when or if he actually had any shots and there were dates for shots from before he was born.  Since the paperwork was so F'd up, we just started from scratch.

I confess I am blogging with my son on my lap and we are rocking out to some tunes.  He loves music.  Especially the song "On The Floor" that J Lo sings with Pitbull.

I confess that last week I didn't get my bath Friday night but I did finally manage to get there Sunday night.  Plans just don't go the way the use to now that Addis is home.