One Month

We have been together for one month.  After a month I still find it hard to believe that we are actually a family.  I keep waiting to wake up and realize this is all just a dream.  This isn't a dream though.  This is real.  We are a family.  OMG!!  WE ARE A FAMILY!!! 

Over the last month we have spent a lot of time on bonding & attachment.  I think that is coming along very nicely, if I do say so myself.  However, the past month has also taught me that things just aren't what I expected them to be.

I had great expectations of what it would be like when we brought Addis home.  Here are just a few of my thoughts and the reality, in no particular order:

• Expectation - I would have lots of time now that I wasn't at work.  I thought of all the things I could get done around the house, I was going to scrapbook & work on the lifebook for Addis.  Reality - I don't know what I do with my time.  A day goes by and I haven't accomplished anything.  I am pleased to just get a small area rug vaccumed or run the dishwasher (only as long as Brian loaded it the night before).
• Expectation - Addis might get up during the night but it would be fine.  He will nap during the day so I would sleep when he sleeps and feel rested.  Reality - I am exhausted.  I am getting up at least once a night and while we are only up 20 minutes at a time it is still a disruption to my sleep and leaves me feeling tired & groggy.  Addis does nap during the day but they only last 30 minutes so just as I am falling asleep, he is waking up.  Trying to nap but not getting one in just makes me feel worse so I don't even try.
• Expectation - I would be a great mom.  I would make rules and stick to them.  I wouldn't be one of those parents that bribes their children.  Reality - I am a learning mom.  I hope one day to be a great mom.  I have been guilty of doing something because it's easier to just give in then to stand my ground.
• Expectation - The dogs would love him and be thrilled to have him around.  Reality - The dogs are jealous.  They alternated between giving him too many kisses to looking at him like the houseguest that won't leave.

Obviously, I was delusional.

While I may have had these great expectations and the reality is very different from what I thought it would be, I have to say the reality is much sweeter.  It's sweeter because it's real.  Here are just a few things that make our reality sweet:

• Addis wakes up crying but when I walk into the room and pick him up he stops crying.  He finds comfort in my presence.
• When I leave a room to make his bottle or go to the bathroom and he realizes I'm not there he calls "mum, mum, mum".
• Addis is a ham.  He has such a good sense of humour.  He is full of fun and loves to make people laugh.  He has a beautiful smile and it's contagious.  His laughter is music for my soul.
• In just a short time Addis has come to rely on us and he just knows that we will be there for him.  He doesn't seem to question it.
• Addis is a flirt.  He gets this sly grin that he flashes at the ladies.  I think I am in trouble when he gets older.
• Our house is full of toys and a little messy but we have a happy boy who enjoys playing and discovering how things work.

It has been a great month.  We have learned a lot about each other and about being a family.  We will continue to learn as we go.

I use to think my glass was half full but now my cup runneth over.  I am very lucky and I am so grateful that we are finally together and I look forward to what lies ahead.

HAPPY ONE MONTH SANDAU FAMILY!