Monday, February 28, 2011

Time to Stop Complaining and Start Doing

So, I seem to be in a never ending battle with the scale.  This battle is epic.  It's gone on for years.  I'm determined though to win in the end.  I will not be beaten by the cruelest invention in the world.  Seriously, who invented the scale and how do I go about kicking his ass?

About a year ago I started trying to lose weight.  I had creeped up to my highest weight ever.  I felt really bad about it.  I should start by saying that my husband never once said anything about my weight or made me feel fat.  In fact, he always told me how pretty I am or how great I looked.  Obviously I know now that my husband is a world class liar.  I guess to be fair he could just have a serious case of love blinders.  Anyway, my feelings were all my own and I decided it was time to stop complaining about it and do start doing something about it.  I started eating better and I joined bootcamp.  I did 5 months of bootcamp which really gave me a great kick start.  I started seeing a nutrionist and learned I am an emotional eater.  She helped me recognize some of my triggers and ways to work around them.  I had to write down what I eat every day and weigh in once a week.  Once my bootcamp sessions were done I got a gym membership.  I went to the gym faithfully 4-5 times a week.  I lost about 25 lbs.  So here's where things go a little astray.  I stopped going to the nutritionist - my sessions we up and I couldn't afford to keep going, I got sick before Christmas, then we went to Ethiopia, now I'm stressed about Addis coming home and how long it's taking and etc, etc.  I've fallen off the wagon and the damn scale is laughing at me.  I can hear it when I pull it out.  It's saying "Bahahaha, you've failed".  My pants are starting to do the same thing.  Slowly but surely, my weight is creeping up.  A half of a pound here, 2 pounds there.  Well no more!  I will not creep up into the next dress size, I will lose the 5-6 pounds I know I have put on in the last few weeks.  I have photocopied my food diary and I will start keeping track of what I'm eating again.  I will write my weight on the food diary at the beginning of each week.  I will hold myself accountable for what I'm eating, getting in 8 glasses or more of water a day and I will get my lazy backside to the gym.  Take that scale!  I'm back and more determined then ever.  I took out the post-it my friend made for me.  It says MOTIVATION at the top of it and a stick figure family portrait underneath.  I started all this because I wanted to look great in our photos with our child.  I now carry this post-it in my wallet again and I'll look at it every day to remind myself why I'm doing this.  I want to be healthy for my child and I want to set a good example about health & nutrition.  I'm not saying I won't still have the occasional love affair with ketchup chips.  Let's be serious here... life's not worth living if you have to only eat Baked Lays.  Ew!  And try as I might, I don't see kicking chicken wings completely to the curb, but I do promise that I will eat these in moderation.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Case of the Crankies

So I woke up this morning feeling cranky.  I'm feeling a little tired of waiting for Addis to come home.  I feel like we've been waiting forever and it's getting old.  In fact it's so old, it's fossilized.  We've had a lot of family functions lately and now that we have passed court it seems wrong that he isn't part of them.  I have good days and bad days and it seems today is one of the bad. 

Ok, just had to pause for a spider incident.  Big black creepy crawly.  I wanted my husband to kill it and my mom laughed when I said it was probably a black widow.  She said that was ridiculous.  I told her it wasn't.  There was an article in the paper the other day about a woman who found a black widow in her bananas at Sobeys and she said it was broccoli at Walmart.  Whatever, I don't hear her denying it was a black widow.  Lawyered!

Anyway I heard today that a family got their visa about 5 weeks after their documents hit Nairobi.  I wish. I dream.  I'm scared to hope.  I want Addis to come home so much.  Could it really be just a few more weeks.  Our documents arrived in Nairobi Feb 16/11.  I just saw a photo of another family and they were standing under the welcome to Canada sign at the airport.  I burst in to tears.  To be fair I get teary at the Tim Horton's commercial of the man getting winter coats & Timmies for his family who are coming to join him in Canada.  I can't wait for the day that we are able to come home to Canada as a family.  Our family is complete but not together.  My greatest dream is walking through our front door carrying Addis and being able to introduce him to Jax & Oz.  Being able to sit on the floor on the dogs blanket and just be together.  That will be the best day ever!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Confession Friday

I confess that I am very anxiously waiting an update on Addis.  We are getting the monthly update today and I've checked my email for it at least 5 times.  The office has only been open for 1 hour.

I confess that I'm going to the mall today to buy a new pair of jeans for my brother's 30th birthday party

I confess that I've been terrible about gym & nutrition habits lately.  I stay in bed instead of going to the gym and I eat junk all the time

I confess when I'm at the mall today I will get chips with my subway combo

I confess that I'm getting very worried about money more  specifically the lack of it while I'm on parental leave

I confess I still can't seem to get into doing work

I confess that as soon as this post is complete I will check my email again to see if the update came in instead of doing my work

I confess that people who wear dresses & pants at the same time bug me.  It's a pet peeve.  I think they look ridiculous

I confess I went to bed last night at 8pm.  I read for an hour to try to settle in and was fast asleep by 9pm.  I finally had a good night sleep!

I confess I will be going to bed early again tonight.  I love sleep.

I confess I just looked at my email because I couldn't wait until I was done this post

I confess I will need a second tead immediately after I finish this post and check for an update

I confess that I love Antoine Dodson.  He cracks me up.  I could watch his Intruder interview a million times and it's still funny.  I think it gets funnier each time I watch it.  I want an IPhone just so I can download the Antoine Dodson app

I confess that I miss my best friend.  I haven't seen her in more then 2 years.  I think distance sucks

Monday, February 21, 2011

Family Day

So today is a holiday.  I'm thankful for the day off work.  I'm more thankful for being able to sleep in.  I'm a wee bit sad because part of our family isn't here.  I woke up thinking of Addis this morning.  I think about him everyday but this morning before I even opened my eyes, he was on my mind.  I dreamt about him all night.  Some good dreams, some not so good.  I'm starting to feel a little anxiety about him coming home.  Will I be a good mom, will I be able to provide for him, etc.  I'm assuming these are normal first time mother fears.  I love him and I can provide the basic needs for him.  So what if he doesn't have designer clothes, or get to go to Disney World every other year or I can't buy him a car on his 16th birthday.  After being in Ethiopia I realize these things are not important. Our love for him is the most important thing we can give him and I have that by the truckload.  I wish very deeply he was home today so we could celebrate Family Day together.  To be honest I'm very tired of family holidays without our son home and included.  So today, I will spend the day doing things that make me feel closer to Addis.  I will organize his room, I will complete the photo album covers for all 9 of our albums from the trip and put those in his room.  I will look at his picture and dream of the day I get to hold him again.

I Love you Addis

Friday, February 18, 2011

Confession Friday

I confess I'm trying hard not to get too excited about our documents being in Nairobi and thinking it could be just a few weeks before the visa for Addis is ready.

I confess I'm excited about the long weekend and I'm planning to kick it off with a long walk with my dogs.

I confess after the long walk with my dogs I plan to enjoy a delicious Ceasar with a pickle because celery is not that good

I confess I have my niece & nephew for a sleepover tomorrow and I hope I do ok, cause if I can't survive 1 night, then what kind of mother will I be.

I confess I have nothing planned for dinner

I confess that since I've been home from Ethiopia I haven't really done anything at work.  I just don't care about issuing renewals and endorsements or quoting new business

I confess that I just printed off ALL the pictures from our trip - all 1790 of them

I confess I spent all last night sorting through our photos & my parents and putting them in order and then putting them into photo albums

I confess I had to get the photos into an album because I'm a bit of a control freak and I hate people touching my photos and getting fingerprints on them

I confess I lied and I'm not really just a "bit" of a control freak.  I'm a full out, crazy obsessive, can't let people help me control freak

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Documents Arrived in Nairobi

Our documents arrived in Nairobi today.  I'm beyond excited.  We are finally on the last leg of our adoption journey.  I can hardly believe we are finally here.  It's been such a long road.  However, I have to believe that God blessed the broken road that led us to Addis.  I can hardly wait to bring him home.  I hope the next few weeks/months goes by quickly and I can bring my son home.  We can finally be a forever family.

Hang on a little longer little man.  Mommy's coming!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

So I woke up this morning to a wonderful surprise from my husband. It was about 5:30 am and he placed my present on the pillow beside me and told me to open it. I saw a gift bag and started pulling out tissue paper. My hand hit the gift and when I pulled it out, I excitedly asked if he bought me a Coach bag. OMG! He did. It's brown and lovely. He did such a good job. It's so pretty it makes me want to cry. He bought me a black Coach bag for Christmas and I was so impressed then. I'm so lucky to have a husband who not only spoils me but actually knows my tastes well enough to pick out the beautiful bags. Love you babe!!

When I got to work I received another surprise. This one so much better then the bag. Sorry, honey, but I think you'd agree with me. There was an email from the adoption agency telling us the last of the paperwork for our son Addis was done and the documents would soon be sent off to Nairobi. About an hour later I got another email to say that our documents have been picked up in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and are on their way to Nairobi, Kenya. We are now officially on the last leg our our journey. I can't believe I am actually typing these words. We are a few weeks/months away from bringing home Addis!!!!

It's night time in Ethiopia and I wanted to wish my favourite valentine a happy day and send you lots of love. Addis - When the moon closes your curtain, and pins it with a star, know that I will always love you, even though I may be far. Goodnight baby. Mommy loves you.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Confessions Friday

So I've been told that Friday's are for confessions in the world of blogging so here goes nothing.

I confess I'm a terrible blogger. I've had this account for a while and I've only written two posts besides this one.

I confess that I've been to Ethiopia and met my son and not blogged about it (see above confession)

I confess I watch Jersey Shore. It is my guilty pleasure.

I confess I'm totally addicted to General Hospital & All My Children. I'm 2 months behind but they are either on tape or the PVR and I can't bring myself to stop watching

I confess I'm an emotional eater and I struggle with my weight and with staying motivated to maintain my weight loss

I confess I love ketchup chips

I confess I don't like anyone using Addy's things. I bought them for him and until he uses them I feel they aren't for sharing.

I confess I have a great husband. Everyone thinks so too.

I confess when people say "your husband is nice, he's soooo nice", I hear "why is he with her?"

I confess that my idea of a great night is a long hot bubble bath with a drink, a good book and some relaxation music

I confess I've writing this blog but don't know if people will follow, mostly because I'm computer deficient and don't know how to share my blog with people

I confess I didn't love Ethiopia and I feel guilty about it

I confess I'm looking forward to going back to Ethiopia, not just for the obvious that I get to pick up my son, but also because I hope to be able to look at it with some perspective and learn to like it more as it's important to me to like the country my son is from