Confession Friday

I confess that I have a couple mosquito bites that I got today while visiting Brian's parents and they are driving me bananas!  Especially the one that's at my hairline.  Why do those darn things always bite me in the face???

I confess that the bites make me look like I have pimples

I confess that today we bought a Blu-ray player.  We had to do this because Brian let Addis play with our DVD remote and now it doesn't work.  The only thing it's good for is to use it as a rattle.  Now, I guess to be fair, we probably could have still used our DVD player but we would have had to use the buttons on the unit so we didn't have to get it just for the reason our remote is broken.  However, the DVD player is 9 years old.  It was a gift from my brother when we got married and it doesn't always work.  Sometimes it freezes for a few seconds and then jumps to the part it should be at.   

I confess that I've had to do a lot of the parenting myself this week.  Brian has done 3 side jobs this week.  It's great money but it does leave both Brian and I tired as we are doing more then normal.

I confess that I have been keeping up with our monthly update.  I take pictures of Addis and his height and weight on the last Friday of each month and put that info in my brag book.

I confess that we still have done much packing.  What little packing we have done seems to be all the things I have needed recently so I just don't want to pack anymore.

I confess I have been working on a post about Addis for a few days now.  I wanted to share some of the things that make Addis who he is.  Unfortunately there just hasn't been much time for blogging the past few days.

I confess that come hell or high water, my dogs are getting a bath this weekend.  I just can't take smelly dog smell anymore.

I confess that we have no plans this long weekend.  I am so glad that there's nothing going on.  I plan to take some time for myself and get some sun and spend time in my favourite staycation spot, Puerto Backyardo.

I confess that I spent some money on myself this week.  I bought some pj's.  All my summer pj's are looking sad and worn out or don't fit (at least they are too big) so I decided it was time to treat myself.  Only problem is now I can't get the cotton robe I saw off my mind.  I might have to go back and pick it up.  It was $9.99 from La Vie En Rose.  They are having a great sale right now.

I confess I love a great sale.  Ok, let's keep it real, I just love to shop.  In my defense, I'm really good at it.  I can smell a bargain a mile away. 

I confess Brian just came in and told me our moron of a neighbour is teaching his son to mow the lawn.  The problem with this is his son is maybe 6 years old.  He can't even see over the handle.  So of course I have to get up and see this for myself because I am a nosy neighbour.  I'm sure it's like trying to get a monkey to teach another monkey brain surgery.  Idiot!  I'm all for teaching children to clean up after themselves and to help with chores around the house, but come on, can we at least teach them age appropriate chores?!

Confession Friday

I confess that the past two weeks have been much better.  KNOCK ON WOOD!!  I said last weekend that we had a much better week and Monday was a difficult day.  I should know better then to say things like that without knocking on wood or something.  That sort of thing use to happen with the dogs all the time when they were puppies.  I would comment on how good they had been and the very next day come home to find a chewed shoe or a whole in the wall.  However, I think we (read me) are starting to find our groove.

I confess that I LOVE romantic comedies.  I could watch the same Rom Com a million times.  I own a decent number of them on DVD.  I PVR them when they are TV.  I rent them as soon as they are on DVD.  Brian will watch them with me but he draws the line at going to the theatre to see them.

I confess that I am seriously considering another tattoo.  However, since I'm a huge wuss, this could be a problem.  When I got my first tattoo I had to get a numby patch.  I put a topical numbing cream on my foot so I wouldn't feel the pain.  I will definitely need to do the patch trick again but you really aren't supposed to according to the tattoo artists.  Why am I such a wimp?

I confess that our first time leaving Addis was hard for me.  I had a little anxiety about it.  Addis ended up spending the night at my parents place last Friday.  Obviously I trust my parents so my anxiety didn't stem from being worried he'd be cared for.  Not sure why I felt anxious, but I did.  When we picked him up he seemed a little annoyed with Brian & I for leaving him.  It took him a while to warm up to us.  Not sure if this was a setback in attachment or just a child his displeasure at ihs parents not being 100% available.  We may wait a little while before we have another sleepover.

I confess that I am watching Big Brother this summer.  I realize watching this show may make me seem lame but at the end of the day I just want don't feel like watching something that requires me to think.

I confess that although I love to read I also don't read serious books.  I am an avid reader of Nora Roberts.  However, I have vowed to try reading some more intelectual books.  I will keep you updated on how successful I am with this new reading venture.

I confess that lately there haven't been many comments on my blog and I'm starting to wonder if anyone is reading.  Anyone out there????

I confess that today I have straight hair.  I had a hair appointment and my stylist straightened my hair.  I get mixed reviews when I have straight hair.  One of my friends wonders why I'd ever straighten my hair when I could leave it curly.  She is very envious of the curls.  Other people really like it.  In fact I had one person tell me, and I quote "your hotness factor just went waaaaay up".  As for me, I just think it's nice to change my look every once in a while.

I confess that Addis and I went to the beach this week.  We had a great day.  I love the beach.  He loves the water.  Addis didn't really care much for the sand.  He hates the sand more then he hates grass.  He cried as soon as any sand got on him.  However, he laughed and smiled non stop whenever he was in the water.  I think we will have to make a few more trips to the beach this summer but next time we will include daddy.

I confess that I got a parkign ticket at the beach.  I am still not impressed!  I parked on the main street in Grand Bend because I didn't want to pay $15 to park at the beach parking lot.  Well, joke's on me cause now I have a $25 parking ticket because sometime over the winter it seems the town implemented a 2hour parking limit on main street.  In my defence the signs were not clear.  They placed the signs close to the buildings instead of closer to the road.  For people who have been to Grand Bend and parked on the road in the past but live out of town, we wouldn't necessarily know about the new parking laws.  Should have just paid the stupid $15 in the first place. 

 I confess that Brian will be working a lot of extra hours in the next few weeks because he's doing side work.  While the extra money will certainly be good, I'm also a bit worried about doing this all on my own.  My confidence has been pretty shaken.

I confess that I have some really weird food faves.  One of my guilty pleasures is chunks of mozzarella cheese dipped in marinara sauce.  I know, I know, that's totally gross but it's soooo good.  I like my orange juice watered down.  I make it about 50% juice and 50% water.  I like brown beans on toast.  When I eat potato chips I eat the curly ones first.  I like cereal but only if it's dry.  If I have to eat it with milk, I only pour in a bit of cereal at a time, eat that up and then pour in some more.  I HATE soggy cereal.  I dip my Doritos in cream cheese.  These are just a few of my strange eating habits/likes/patterns.  I'm a total freak!

I confess that I'm dying to see the Harry Potter movie.  I love Harry Potter!!!!  Brian, my mom, my sister and I have a tradition of seeing the movies together.  My sister has been really sick lately so until she feels better she won't/can't go see it.  So Heather..... get well soon!!!  We have to go see Harry!!!  Obviously, I want you to get well so that you are feeling better, but can you do it quickly, it's time for Pottermania.  Seriously though, get well soon sis.  I love you.  Praying you are healthy really soon.

I confess that we take possesion of our house in 3 weeks and we have barely packed.  What little packing we have done has not been a "we" sort of effort.  Brian has done it all.  I just can't find the "get up and go" to do any packing.  I need to find it soon because we have a lot to pack and it won't do it all by itself.

I confess that I will miss this house.  Could that be why I haven't wanted to pack??

Confession Friday

I confess that life is very busy.  I am finding it hard to post blogs, check emails, creep facebook, etc. 

I confess that we had a great time camping.  Addis loved it!  He enjoys being outside and around people.  We took him swimming in Lake Erie.  The water was pretty shallow so we could go out fairly far and Addis could still stand.  The last time we went swimming the waves lulled him to sleep.  He actually slept through the night on our first night there.

I confess that knowing Addis slept through the night on our first night of ccamping has had me seriously considering setting up our tent trailer in the driveway and sleeping outside with him.  Don't laugh or judge.  I'm really getting to the point where I'd try anything to have him sleep through the night.  I'm sooooo tired.

I confess that this weekend is very busy.  Addis has a doctor''s appointment, then I have my company picnic and then a wedding.  And that's just today!  We also have a few birthday parties we've been invited to and unfortunately we are going to have miss a few of them.

I confess that tonight's wedding is the first night out Brian and I will have alone since we came home.  I'm looking forward to it.  Addis is actually spending the night at my parents place so I will get to sleep through the night AND sleep in!!!  Woo Hoo!!

I confess I'm also looking forward to seeing my friend marry a man that she was destined to be with.  They dated when they were younger and obviously just couldn't stay apart.  They make such a nice couple.

I confess that I FINALLY did some grocery shopping.  We haven't done groceries since we came home from Ethiopia.  We'd picked up odds & ends but had not done a big shop.  Well, I did it.  All by my self!  It may seem like a stupid thing to be proud of myself for but I actually hate grocery shopping.  Even when it's just Brian and I and we can get it done quickly it just feels like a pain.  I was pretty nervous about trying to shop solo.  Especially because I wasn't exactly solo.  I would be shopping with Addis.  Well I am pleased to say the shopping went well.  We went to several stores because now I have to shop according to the sales and Addis was well behaved.  It wasn't until we were at the last store in the checkout that he started to get cranky.  All in all, I'd say it was a success.

I confess I just heard Brian say to Addis "Buddy, are you going to hold your bottle.  I'm not your maid".  I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time.  Poor Brian, he actually believes that he's not at Addy's beck and call.

I confess that I really don't understand why women wear white or light coloured skirts/pants and put on black underwear.  Do they think that we can't see them?  Do they want us to see the black panties?  I don't get it.  It looks trashy.  Even worse, I wonder where these women's friends are.  I would hope if I made such a grave fashion mistake that my friends would point it out.  You know, something along the lines of "Uh hunny, I can see your panties, and it's not a good look for you".

I confess that I have lost my brag book with all the photos I have printed of Addis.  I have no idea where it went.  I think I had it last week and now suddenly it's missing.  I'm not very happy about it.  I'm about to toss the house looking for it.  Brian won't be too impressed with the mess I leave behind.

I confess that I spent a little money shopping yesterday.  I bought a few new items for my summer wardrobe.  Don't tell Brian!  I finally got an EI cheque to I indulged a little of the money on myself.

I confess that I have been having a tough time with some of the adjustments of mommyhood. 

I confess this week has gotten better.  We discovered the use of the playpen for short periods of time so mommy can have a break or get things done.

I confess we have been getting out more often and that is helping improve my frame of mind.

I confess I am praying for good weather Wednesday because Addis and I are going to the beach.  I can't wait to get my beach on!  I probably have no business wearing a bathing suit these days but who cares, I probably won't see anyone I know.

I confess that I admit defeat in the battle of Ange vs Ketchup chips.  I am shamed to say that I have eaten 3 bags in the past week.  I'm soooo the fat kid!

2 Years

I woke up this morning and went about my day.  The day started early.  Addis woke up at 5:20am.  It took about an hour to get him back to sleep but then he slept for another two hours.  We woke up again at 8:45am.  We got up, said good morning to the doggies, I made myself a tea and fed him his pureed bananas.  I took a shower and started getting ready to go out for brunch with my dad.  It was like any other day.  It wasn't until I checked out a yahoo board that I am part of that I was reminded what today actually is.  How could I forget?  I guess it wasn't that I forgot, so much as lost track of my days.  As soon as I realized that today is the two year anniversary of the bankruptcy all those feelings came flooding back.  It amazes me that even after all this time it still can cut deeply. 

July 13, 2009.  That day will forever mean something to me.  Two years ago the adoption agency we were using went bankrupt.  Not only did it go bankrupt but there were allegations of fraud.  There were families left not knowing what would happen to the children that were legally theirs, families who lost referrals of children whose faces they had grown to love and families like Brian & I who had no idea if we would ever be parents.  Two years ago my whole world came crashing down on me. I felt like I had lost another baby. I felt like my dreams of a family would never come true. I couldn't stop crying. I was sad, angry and felt so utterly hopeless. I was lost. I went to work and my co-workers and friends would talk to me and I could see their mouths moving but nothing they said registered. I was like a zombie. I had to take some time off work because the stress and anxiety was just too much.


I wanted to do something but it seemed hopeless.  How could I ever fix this?  I couldn't do anything, but WE, well WE could make all the difference.  It took a group of 450 families to make a change.  I had a small part in doing the most rewarding thing I've ever been part of.  Because families, businesses, politicians, media and so many others stood up and said "this is wrong and this needs to be fixed" we were able to bring the agency out of bankruptcy and move towards the completion of our families.  Some families walked away.  Some couldn't afford the money to pay the restructuring fees, some just couldn't take the chance of more disappointment and some just had enough.  I feel for each of those families.  Brian & I took a chance.  We stayed with the new agency and for us the gamble paid off. 

Today I am in a much different place.  Today I was able to get up with my son and play with him and not have a dark cloud hanging over my head.  For a very long time I wondered if we would ever see our family complete.  Even after the first referral December 16, 2009 I was afraid to believe we would have a child.  Even after we were matched to the sweetest boy I had ever seen, I doubted.  I don't think I fully trusted that this little boy was mine, was part of our family forever until we were back in Canada with him safely in our home. 

The bankruptcy left some very deep scars.  I trust less.  I smile less.  However, slowly those scars are fading.  I smiled a lot today.  I got to hold Addis and play with him and watch him explore the new world around him and listen to him laugh. 

However, today there were also tears.  It's hard not to cry when I remember that day.  I pray each day that all the families can complete their adoptions and bering children into their lives.  I even hope that maybe they too will one day be able to "forget".

I hope that anyone reading this doesn't think that I am being flippant or callous and could "forget" such an important day.  I know that I will never forget what happened.  It is part of our family history.  However, I think not having the bankruptcy on my mind consumming my every thought, which it use to do, is a sign that I have healed, if only just a little.

I am one of the lucky families who has brought a child home under the new agency.  I will continue to hope, pray and fight until each family is complete.

Yes, WE can!

Confession Friday

I confess that today is a crazy day, we are going away this weekend and that there is no time for a full post.  I will post more of my confessions on Sunday when we get home.

See you on the flip side!

Confession Friday

I confess that today is Canada Day and I'm happy to be a Canadian.

I confess that today I'm even happier that my Addis is here to enjoy this day and that he is a Canadian too.

I confess that we will be spending part of our day at a local park and having a picnic and then playing at the splash pad.

I confess that we will be seeing some friends on Sunday who were very helpful in our adoption process.  They moved away to Hong Kong but will be home for a visit this week.  We are really excited to be able to introduce them to Addis.

I confess that I'm looking forward to next weekend.  We are FINALLY going camping.  We haven't been camping in a long time.  It's been 2 years since we've used our tent trailer and I'm really excited to be using it again and to be able to go camping as a family.

I confess that I just heard my husband say "it's like teaching a parrot to talk" when describing teaching Addis to talk.  I laughed because it's a little true.

I confess that Brian has been pretty determined to sell our old snow blower and it's driving me crazy.  When we bought our new house the old owners decided to include some things in the sale.  One of those things is a snow blower.  It's brand new and still has the plastic on it.  Ours, on the other hand, is almost as old as me, rusty, and needs a lot of work each time it runs.  Just throw it out!!!  Who does he think is going to want to buy that old dinosaur?  Every night and every weekend he drags it out and proudly displays the For Sale sign he made.  I don't think we could get rid of it even if it said "Free".  He even dragged it out last Saturday when we were having the birthday party for Addis.  Hello??  He really didn't seem to understand when I told him to put that hunk of junk away.  What did he think I was going to do?  I'd put on my salesman cap and try to sell it to our guests.  Ugh!  Dear God, please give me patience while my husband plays out this little sales effort.

I confess that we had a great time last Saturday at Addis's birthday party.  We had lots of friends & family come over and show their love & support for Addis.  He got some great presents and lots of hugs & kisses.  It was the first time some people had met Addis so that was also very special.  The weather was not the greatest so most of the time people were inside so it made for a very cozy few hours.  We had a Thomas the Tank Engine cake and Addis reached for the one corner and then I tried to get him to lick his hand and we realized he doesn't much care for icing or cake. 

I confess that after the party I started feeling sick.  I ended up getting strep throat.  I was running a fever of 101 - 103 degrees for a few days.  My throat was so sore I couldn't swallow.  I barely ate anything for 4 days because it hurt too much.  My dad had to come over and watch Addis again because I wasn't able to look after him.  I think I need to start taking better care of myself so I don't keep getting sick.

I confess that I have recently start watching reruns of the show Criminal Minds and I'm hooked.  I PVR episodes whenever I see them on and watch them after Addis goes to bed.

I confess that there's a lot more I could talk about and I wish I had the time but there's a littl boy who's losing his shit and is in desperate need of a bottle & nap.  Time's up mommy.