Confession Friday

I confess that it feels great to be home and a family of five. Two parents, one flesh baby and two fur babies.

I confess that I missed not being able to confess that past two Fridays.

I confess that Confession Friday has been great for my soul.

I confess that I am surprised by the reactions we've had when our dogs and certain people have met Addis.

I confess that I am very glad that Addis got to spend some time with my Grandmother.  Unfortunately it wasn't a long time but at least we got some time.

I confess that I'm bone tired but I feel better than I have in years.

I confess that I have spent some time over the past 12 days just watching Addis sleep.

I confess that I am dying for a bubble bath and a glass of wine.  I think once Addis goes to bed tonight I might just indulge in this activity.  That is as long as I don't fall asleep myself.

I confess that we had one really bad day in Ethiopia.  Addis is teething and that was the day he cut his first tooth.  He wanted nothing to do with me.  He screamed if he saw me or heard my voice.  It was heartbreaking and made me question my ability to be a good mom.  Obviously teething & lack of sleep got the best of Addis & I that day.

I confess I am totally flying by the seat of my pants with the whole mothering thing.  Most of the time I feel like I have no idea what I am doing.

I confess that when I heard Addis say mum,mum,mum,mum that I thought that was the best sound in the world.

And We Are Off!

Today marks the first day of a lifelong adventure.  Today we put our carefully packed bags in the car and head to the airport.  Today we get on a plane and start the journey to pick up our son and our life as a forever family begins. 

I can't wait to see Addis again.  I wonder what he will be like.  It has been a long time since we saw him.  In his short little life, 4 months is a long time.  I wonder what he will be like.  Is he still quiet or is he full of energy?  Will he like us?

I'll try to blog while I am away and maybe I can even get someone to show me how to post pictures.

Wish us luck!

Today is a big day

Mother's Day

Today has been a very special, yet difficult day for me.  I am finally a mother after more than 7 years of trying to have a baby but I'm not with my son today.  I am so close I can taste it.  We will be with our son in a week.  I had to sacrifice Mother's Day for the needs of other people.  The timing just didn't work any other way and although I know that these things are really important, I still wish I could be with Addy today.  I spent the entire day thinking of Addis.  He is in my mind, my heart and my soul from the minute I wake up, to the minute I go to bed.

Today I have thought only of you baby.  Mama loves you more than words can say.   I can't wait to be with you.

When the moon closes your curtain and pins it with a star, know that I always love you, even though I may be far.

I love you sweet boy

Confession Friday

I confess that this was yet another hard week.  Lots of ups & downs.

I confess that our baby party was a lot of fun and Brian & I are very lucky to have such great friends and Addis is lucky to have so many people who love him

I confess that after the baby party my girlfriends & I went out to the bar

I confess I felt a little like I was too old for the bar

I confess we had a great time.  I have some of the best girlfriends ever and some of them were meeting for the first time and everyone got along and we laughed ALL night long

I confess the bar we went to was a country bar and I rode the bull.  If you could call what I did riding the bull.  I managed to stay up for all of 3 seconds the first try and 9 seconds the second try.  At least I did it with dignity.  I did NOT take my pants off, ride the bull in a skirt or have my butt crack hanging out for everyone and their brother to see.  The same can't be said for some of the other ladies (I use this term loosely) at the bar that night

I confess that we got word today that our visa was issued on Wendesday and will be in Ethiopia on Monday.  It will be there when we arrive next Sunday

I confess that I'm still a little anxious about thias trip.  I don't think I will let myself fully think this is happening until we are in our front door

I confess that there were days that I thought this day would never come

I confess that I will miss my dogs terribly while I am gone

I confess that I hope the airlines allow us 2 pieces of luggage each.  We need to pack for Addis and I am the worst packer, EVER.  I want to bring everything.  I always over pack

I confess that Brian & I always argue when we are packing for a trip.  We totally turn into the Snapersons.  This task, along with painting & house cleaning turn Brian & I into the Rock Em Sock Em robots

I confess that we sold our house on Monday just a few days after it went on the market.  The sale was final as soon as we signed the papers because it was a cash deal, no conditions.  That is a big weight off my shoulders

I confess that I'm sad that I will miss Mother's Day with Addis

Looking On The Bright Side

Last week was a really tough week for us.  Things were very sad and frustrating.  Dare I say, things are starting to look like they are turning around.

I started to feel a little better Friday night when I saw our DHL package with the bank draft was onroute to Nairobi.  Knowing that money was on it's way gave me a little glimmer of hope that our delay would only be a small blip.

Saturday morning I woke up knowing I would see my best friend.  FINALLY.  After 2.5 years we were going to see each other.  I could not wait to see her!  I had to run out and pick something up for my mom and when I got back from the grocery store, there she was.  I parked the car, jumped out and ran right over.  Oh, the hugs!  I think we hugged for a few minutes.  It was seriously the best medicine.  I think a little Hope goes a long way.  We didn't get very long together but Hope & Allen drove 8 hours to be with Brian & I and they were only able to stay for 24 hours.  Brian & I consider ourselves very lucky to have such wonderful friends.  Not only did they drive that far for such a short timeframe, but this was the first time they left their little girl overnight.  That's love!

I also woke up knowing that tis was the day of our baby shower.  We were going to have roughly 55 guest.  It was a co-ed shower complete with kids.  Brian & I were once again reminded that we are surrounded by people who love and support us.  Our son is one very lucky little boy who is loved by so many people.  We got some very thoughtful gifts such as handmade sweaters & blankets that you just know a lot of time & love went into making.  We also got some really fun things that I can imagine Addis playing with.  Discovering colours and sounds for the first time.  Ooooo, I can hardly wait!

I went out Saturday night with my girlfriends and had a great time.  I got to blow off some steam which is exactly what I needed.  Some of the nights events I'll talk about in my Confession Friday post.  I danced, laughed, had some drinks, had a good time and not that I needed it, but I was reminded that I have really great girlfriends.  We got home after 2am.

We sold our house last night.  The sale is 100% final as it was a cash offer with no conditions.  The SOLD sign is already up.  The house went on the market Friday and was sold by Monday night.  Thank goodness because although we'd only had a few days of showings, it was starting to get a bit stressful.  Trying to keep the house spotlessly clean and dog hair free was becoming a full time job.  Plus I felt like I was spending more time hiding out at my parents, while people were looking at our house, then I did hanging out at my own place.

We sat down last night and came up with a plan.  Our visa won't be in Ethiopia until next Friday at the earliest (unless we get a miracle) so I think we will be leaving on the 12th of May and I will stay with Addis until we are able to come home.  I feel better knowing we have a plan.  Knowing that in just a short time I will be with my son and have him in my arms again.  I will miss Mother's Day but I know that going this week in order to be with him is the sentimental plan, not the best plan logically & financially speaking.  I will celebrate Mother's Day privately at home this Sunday, and then again the following week when we are actually together.  Then every day after that will be Sandau Family day because we will be a forever family and those are the important days.

Today I woke up to notification that our DHL package was delievered to the High Commission and signed for by James.  I pray, hope & wish that they will process our payment right away and issue our visa so we can just get our son home as soon as possible.

Confession Friday

I confess that I am angry, upset, sad and frustrated

I confess I did not sleep last night as I was emailing with the High Commission in Nairobi

I confess that I was impressed with the prompt responses they gave

I confess I did not like the responses they gave but at least I got some information

I confess that the past 2 weeks have been very tough stress filled weeks with our adoption process

I confess that I lefdt work on Wednesday for parental leave and I expected to be leaving for Ethiopia very soon to go get my son

I confess the reason I did this and thought this is because I got an email from the High Commission saying our son's citizenship had been granted and a visa had been issued

I confess when I saw that I thought it was too good to be true

I confess I should have trusted my first instinct

I confess that I then got an email from the High Commission saying that our visa was not issued because our bank draft paying for the service of processing the visa was stale and we needed to send them a new one

I confess that we have spent $300 sending bank drafts 2 different ways praying one of them gets there soon and Addy's visa can be issued and come home

I confess I spent most of yesterday and today crying

I confess that I can't face going back to work and working until the visa actually is issued because I just can't face those people and explain why yet again, there is a problem with our adoption process

I confess that I just want to hide at home and I have no desire to talk to anyone

I confess I wish I was someone else today

Music Monday

So life has been busy that past two Mondays and I didn't get a chance to post Music Monday.  Today I wanted to post a special song.  This is a very sad post.  I learned over the weekend that an ex-boyfriend just lost his daughter.  She had an illness and passed away at the age of 2.5 years old.  I feel terribly sad for him, his wife, their son and the rest of the family.  This is something no parent should have to live through.  She looked like a sweet little girl and I know she must have meant the world to him.  He was very special to me for many years and I wish I could take his pain away. 

Though we may not be close now and we may not have spoken in a while, know I think of you & your little girl today old friend.  I hope your memories of her bring you comfort during thes sad days.

In my dreams, you are alive and well

Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there is a Heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten
until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart