Confession Friday

I confess this has been a very busy week.  Between celebrating our referralversary, Halloween, getting ready for our housewarming party and our regular everyday life, I feel tired.

I confess I am looking forward to our housewarming party with is tomorrow. 

I confess I love to entertain.  Planning and hosting a party is a lot of fun for me.

I confess that I have been cleaning all day today and still have stuff to do tomorrow.  It's not that the house is actually that dirty but I just can't be satisfied with good enough.  I want to showcase our home in the best way possible.  We still had boxes to unpack and we hadn't put up any personal items like artwork or family photos.

I confess that today Brian and I took Addis to a playgroup at a local indoor soccer field.  They set up all kinds of play equipment and set out balls and the kids have the run of three inddor fields for 2 hours.  Addis really enjoyed being able to run.

I confess that today was our first unpleasant encounter with nosy questions about our family dynamic.  There were probably 100 children there but Addis was the only child with brown skin.  Normally we live in a very multicultural city so I was surprised by this ratio of 1:99.  I am quite comfortable with our family and don't usually mind questions if they are of a curious nature.  I do, however mind someone asking me within two minutes of meeting me what specificaly caused our fertility problems, how much he cost, why didn't his real mother want him, etc.  Seriously, what is wrong with people that they think this is appropriate topics for a childrens playgroup or for someone you just met. 

I confess that I while I think I handled the situation ok, I still think I could have handled the situation differently and better.  I mostly just deflected the questions and when this woman was persistant I just walked away.  I will have to work on just plainly telling people these types of questions are not appropriate and this info is not their business as politely as the situation calls for.

I confess that I had a nice afternoon at the salon today.  I got my hair cut and coloured and then straightened.  It was nice to have a few hours to myself.  Don't even get me started on the massage chairs at the shampoo sinks.  Massage chair and scalp massage.......Heaven!!!
 
I confess we had a great time trick or treating.  Addis really enjoyed seeing all the other kids and peoplle.  My niece and nephew came to our neighbourhood and the 3 kids went out together.  Addis and my nephew had matching dragon costumes.  This was not planned, just a fluke that turned out to be a super cute photo op.  My niece was a butterfly.  Addis got quite the haul of candy.  We had to keep emptying his Thomas the Tank Engine bucket into a Sobey's shopping bag.  After sorting through it for what was safe to keep, I sorted through again for what was safe for him to eat.  In the end he had very little left and Brian and I ended up spliting the rest.  I felt kind of bad because I literally stole candy from a baby.

I confess that I got the trick this Halloween.  Our neighbours build a haunted house on their driveway and into their garage.  They also buld a graveyard on the front lawn.  It was done really well and looked like good spooky fun.  When we walked through all the scary stuff was mechanical or rubber.  Then we came across the corner where there was a live person who jumped out to scare you.  I don't like having things jumping out at me.  My nerves are terrible.  I shrieked so loud that the people at the end of the driveway heard me and I could hear them all laughing.  I saw the creepy man run ahead and then back around to get back into place to scare the next person.  Only he crept up behind me and scared me again. Another shriek.  When I come out there is a crowd and they are all laughing at me.  Ha, ha.  Ok so you spooked the scaredy cat.  I walked to the end of the driveway and was talking to my brother's girlfriend and I then I turn around and BOO.  You guessed it, this guy jumps out at me again.  So at this point, my nerves are totally shot.  I moveto the house next door.  I stand there waiting for the rest of the group to join me and BOO.  This guy is having so much fun at my expense that he jumped through the graveyard between the houses and spooks me again.  Are you kidding me??  So at this point my brother is killing himself laughing.  If I wasn't so scared I might have been concerned my brother was going to wet his pants from laughing so hard at me.  Time to get out of there.  We move on down the street and finish up our trick or treating and return home.  I put Addis to bed and after a while shut off the lights as the amount of kids had trickled out.  Then the doorbell rings.  I pick up the bowl of candy and open the door and OMG, there is the creepiest clown I have ever seen.  FOr those tht don't already know, I am terrified of clowns.  I back away from the door and blindly hand off the bowl of candy to whoever came up behind me and run for my life into another room.  Brian and my dad start calling me back and said the clown is gone and I needed to come back to the door to see the other kids. After being scared so many times, I feeling a little leery.  Then my mom chimes in.  "Come on back, the clown is gone".  This is my mom.  The woman who would never steer me wrong.  I come back to the door at which point either my dad or Brian grabs me and shoves me into the doorway and BOO.  That creepy guy again.  I screamed so loud I'm surprised I didn't wake up Addis.  My brother had walked back down to the neighbours and aksed him to come to our place a little later.  I was so on edge that I had to close all the curtains because I was so scared someone would jump out at me again.  I didn't really sleep very good that night.  I'm told I'll laugh about it later.  I say, watch out.  Payback is coming!

Confession Friday

I confess that last week I caught myself scolding Addis for goofing off at the table and I felt like a huge hyprocrite. I have very particular ideas about table manners. Perhaps I'm a bit too rigid and expect too much from a baby. However, the rules are as follows: you stay at the table until everyone is done eating, no phone calls during dinner, chew with your mouth closed, no feeding the dogs from the table, no throwing food, dinner time is not play time. Addis was a little full of the silly bug that day and he was acting accordingly. He was happily entertaining my parents and sister. I caught myself telling him to knock it off and then realized I had broken the rules myself. I had spent most of dinner texting with someone. In my defence, there was an extenuating circumstance that led to the text conversation, however, it was still against the rules. I think mommy might have to spend time in the corner or on the naughty step.  I can't very well enforce the rules if I don't follow them myself.

I confess that I went shopping.  I bought my first pair of skinny jeans.  Not sure I have any business wearing them but... I'm going to give it a try.  I made my friend check out my butt to make sure it looked good and not like and animal fighting to get out of a burlap sack.

I confess that I also bought 2 pairs of really great boots.

I confess that I went in to work today for a quick visit and it felt good to have everyone seem so happy to see me.  I have worried over the past few months that life has just marched on without me.

I confess that I am really excited about Halloween.  Addis will be dressed up like a dragon.  Funny enought, his cousin has the same exact costume.  I'm looking forward to getting photos of Addis and my neice and nephew together.

I confess since Addis is so little and can't eat candy, Brian and I will be raiding his stash. 

I confess we had a good day at the pumpkin patch last Sunday.  We have some great family photos and some great photos of Addis.  I hope we have started a new faily tradition.

I confess that I am feeling very sentimental on the eve of our referral anniversary.  I'm not sure what we are going to do to commemerate the occasion but I did buy a bottle of the same champagne that our friends bought for us last year to celebrate.  We will toast to the beautiful little boy who has filled our hearts. 

I confess that I was surprised yesterday with photos that were taken that day.  I was laughing and crying tears of pure joy.  Beside me was one of my good friends who supported me through so many dark times.  She was also laughing and crying.  Around us were about twenty of our co-workers.  Tomorrow I will take some time to write about our referral.

I confess that tonight I will indulge in a little "after Addis has gone to bed" treat.  I have a bag of double hit caramel popcorn from kernels that I can't wait to dig into.  YUM!!!! 

I confess that I have been worried that Addis doesn't seem to talk very much.  He babbles ALL the time.  In fact this babbling makes Brian and I and our family laugh everytime we hear it, but Addis doesn't use words very often.  It's a lot of grunting and pointing.  I have come to realize that Addis is very lazy about talking.  Sometimes I worry if that's a reflection on me as a mom.  Am I doing enough?  I know he has the ability to talk, he just doesn't want to.  I try to get him to say certain words and he looks at me as if to say "I'm not your dog and pony show".  Sometimes I find myself wondering if he has these words and the ability to say them yet, then I hear him say the exact words I've been trying to get him to say when HE needs the words so I know he CANm he just doesn't WANT to.  So I am at a loss for what to do now.  Do I continue to get him things just because I know what he is trying to tell me or do I make him ask for what he wants?  I have learned over the past little while that Addis has the comprehension so I am at a crossroads.  What is in his best interest?  I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.  (I have received feedback that some people are having trouble leaving me a comment so if you have a comment and can't post, please email at jax-oz@hotmail.com or send me a message on facebook) 

Confession Friday

I confess I have been worried about a friend all week.  Honey, you are never far from my mind.  I hope you get well soon.

I confess that Addis has entered a hitting phase.  I don't care for it.  He gets frustrated and he hits things.  Me, the dogs, the wall, etc.  I"m already looking forward to the day we leave this phase behind. 

I confess that I spent the day with my family.  My brother brought over my niece and nephew to play with Addis.  My parents and sister joined us.  We watched the Lion King twice and probably pulled out every single toy Addis owns.  We ate hot dogs for lunch.  It was a lot of fun.  When it was time for my brother and the kids to go my niece shouted "I come back again. Ok?"  I told her she was welcome anytime.

I confess that this morning started out terribly.  I had dealt with 4 tantrums before I was even up a half hour.  We've been dealing with quite a few tantrums lately.  A certain someone gets bent out of shape when they don't get their way and proceeds to make angry noises at me. 

I confess that while today did not start out wonderful, I was able to look on the bright side.  It made me realize how far I have come recently in how I am feeling.  While Addis was shrieking at the top of his lungs and crying, I was able to find my Patient Mommy voice instead of dissolving into tears myself.  I say this is progress!!

I confess that I have a zillion clothes, most of which I don't wear (too big, too small, out of fashion, etc) but I do not seem to have the ability to throw them out.  I can purge plenty of other items from the house but just can't seem to part with my clothes.  I think I need an intevention.  I need a support group,  Heck, I'm close to needing those people from that disturbing show Hoarders to come in.  This is a cry for help!

I confess that I just finished the book Secret Daughter tonight.  I laughed. I cried. I identified.  Good read.

I confess that I am staring down a mountain of laundry tonight. 

I confess that at the Oktoberfest parade this past Monday I ran like a scared little girl at the first sight of a clown.  Things went from bad to worse when I was fiddling with the camera and looked up to see a clown staring me right in the face trying to hug Addis (I was holding him in my lap).  I just about peed my pants.  I think I am still trauamtized.  Seriously, why do they have to ruin a perfectly nice event like a parde by including clowns.  Can I get an amen?

I confess that I am addicted to my Blackberry.  I've only had it for just over a month and I realized this.  I am like Pavlovs dog.  The blackberry dings and I start looking to see how emailed, texted or bbm'd me.

I confess I went to see a movie last night.  It was nice to get out of the house.  I was a little reluctent at first to go to the movie because it was the remake of Footloose.  Let's keep it real here, that's a classic, it doesn't need redoing.  However, my sister had free tickets so I thought, what the heck, it's a chance to eat some popcorn and get out.  At least I'd enjoy the soundtrack, right?  I The movie turned out to be pretty decent.  I think the trick was to keep an open mind and take it at face value.  I LOVED the actor they cast for the part of Willard.  He was a favourite character in the original and in my opinion is even better in the remake.  I especially loved the scene where he's learning to dance.

Confession Friday - Thanksgiving Edition

I confess I am truly grateful this Thanksgiving. 

I confess the last few years of holidays have been very difficult and for the first time in years I am finally looking forward to a holiday and won't have to plaster a phony smile on my face to hide the pain.  No more fake it till you make it.  A genuine holiday smile will be on my face.

I'm very excited to have Addis home to share with him our holiday traditions and to start a few new ones.

I confess we have a very busy weekend ahead of us.

I confess that Saturday we will go to Grand Bend and spend the day with Brian's parents.  We always have our Thanksgiving dinner with them on Saturday.  They camp at the Scout Camp in Grand Bend with some friends and everyone gets together for dinner.  There is turkey and mashed potatoes and each family provides a side dish or dessert potluck style.  It's so peaceful up there.  It is probably our dogs favourite place to be. 

I confess that I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my family.  Since we now have a bigger house, we can comfortably accomodate people on holidays.  I am excited to cook the turkey.  It will only be my second attempt.

I confess I love stuffing.  So much in fact that I once stabbed my brother's hand with my fork for trying to steal my stuffing.  Luckily I didn't do any damage and it's now a running family joke.  Ange doesn't share stuffing!

I confess I am really thankful for the beautiful weather we will be having for the next 5 days.  The tempurature will be in the 20's.  Apparently those are record tempuratures for October.

I confess that since the weather will be so nice I will be taking Addis to the local Thanksgiving parade.

I confess this is a big deal for me because I'm terrified of clowns and NEVER go anywhere that I know I will see a clown.  However, I don't want my fears to be projected on Addis so I will just have to find my big girl panties.  Addis loves seeing lots of people and music so this should be right up his alley.

I confess that after the parade we are going to take Addis to Oktoberfest Family Day.  I have very fond memories of going to Family Day with my parents and siblings.  I think my favourite memory is dancing the polka with my dad.  I am so happy to carry on this family tradition.

I confess that my mom started a family tradition a few years ago where we go around the table and say what we are thankful for.  I will continue this tradition at my table.  And this year when it's my turn I will say that I am thankful for my dogs who love me unconditionally, my family who stood by me in completing our adoption, my husband who is my very best friend and my son who is pure joy.

Happy Thanksgiving!  May you all have something to be thankful for.  

Confession Friday

I confess that last weeks edition of Confession Friday was written but just as I was wrapping it up, I hit some button that deleted everything I wrote, replaced it with the letter O and automatically saved just at that time, so I lost everything.  I wasn't feeling well and was mad that I had lost everything so I just went to bed instead of writing more that night.  I meant to write it the next day but I came down with a terrible cold so decided to let it go for the week.

I confess this is the 4th time I've been sick in 4 months.  I had a cold, then strep throat, strep throat again and now another cold.  I think I need to start taking better care of myself.

I confess that tonight I had a girlfriend drop by unexpectedly and we went out for a drink and shared a plate of nachos.  It was great.  It was nice to see her and get out for a while with a friend.

I confess that I cut the evening short so I could come home and put Addis to bed.  I wanted to see how our bedtime story ended.  Last night we picked a longer book and we got through half of it before he got antsy.  We were going to finish the book tonight and I didn't want to miss the end of Don't Be So Nosy Posy or miss out on Addy's sweet "night night" kisses.

I confess that I already have Christmas on the brain.  I have finished my shopping for my father in law, my neice and nephew and I am almost done for Addis.  I like to shop early so I can avoid the malls in November and December.  They make me very Scroogey.

I confess that I can't wait to put up our Christmas tree.  I usually put it up the weekend of our anniversary (Nov 23).  I like to do this so I can enjoy it for as long as possible since it's quite a bit of work to put up.

I confess that my (our) Christmas tree is top to bottom Disney.  I only put Disney ornaments on it.  Tree topper is Tinkerbell.  The ornaments are various Disney characters in various shapes, scenes, etc.  The tree skirt is Winnie the Pooh and made especially for me by my mom.  I even have a train that goes around the bottom that is straight from Disney World and is a replica of the train there.  It may be silly but this tree brings me a lot fo joy and reminds me of many happy childhood memories.

I confess that we are planning a housewarming party.  We still have some work to do before I want to show off the house but it's not until November so I have a bit of time.

I confess I finished the book The Help and LOVED it.  It was a good read and I'm glad I branched out and read something different. 

I confess I am currently reading Secret Daughter and at this point (I've just finished Part 1) I'm struck by how much this reminds me of our journey.  A lot of what is written is how I felt only better articulated.  When my mom read it she kept telling me that if she didn't know better she'd swear I wrote it.  I now have a better understanding of what she meant.  Oh, and btw, I am really enjoying this one too.  It hits close to home but I think it's helping me process some feelings I haven't dealt with yet.

I confess that although I have felt terrible this week due to a cold, I have felt more like myself than I have in a long time.

I confess that someone told me that I need to look at my life like a chair.  If my chair is unbalanced then I can't carry the weight I'm supposed to.  To achieve a better balance I need to make sure the legs are all in good working order.  Those legs consist of sleep, nutrition, exercise and positive self talk.  If I look at it that way, it's no wonder I feel like I can't carry the load given to me.  All of those things have been taking a back seat lately.  I have been trying to work at these areas in my life and I feel a little less unsteady.

I confess that we have no plans this weekend and I am looking forward to a little bit of lazy hanging around.  I will also have no excuse not to clean my house and while I don't normally like house cleaning, I am looking forward to the "after".   

Confession Friday

I confess that I didn't confess last week because I was sick.  I had strep throat, again.  According to my doctor it isn't common for adults to get strep throat so close together (I had it in June and again in September) and I must just like to be different.  I had a fever of 103 degrees for a few days.  I am on a very strong round of penicilin.

I confess that we are enjoying a fire tonight.  We have a wood burning fireplace in our new house and it's cool enough tonight that we can enojy a fire.  I love the smell of a wood fire.  It's making me want to grab some marshmallows!

I confess that I have been speaking with someone about how I've been feeling.  It's been really helpful to get my thoughts organized.  My brain has been very busy for a while now and it's been hard to make sense of everything I've been thinking and feeling.  I've learned a lot about myself already.  Apparently my expectations of myself are too high and nobody could live up to them.  I've also learned that the past few years have made me a "glass is half empty" kind of person and that's not how I want to be so I need to be aware of this and try to change my outlook.  I need to be aware of the little voice inside and change it from being "the critic" to being "the friend".  This has really helped me clear my head.  I'm on the way to feeling more like me.

I confess that I love to people watch.  When my grandparents would come visit from England, my grandmother, my mother, my sister and I all use to love spending time in the airport, when it was time for my grandparents to go home, and people watch.  We would make up stories about who we thought these people were and where they were going or where they came from.  To this day I love people watching. 

I confess that the past few weeks has been a "mixed bag" but Addis and I have had a few really good weeks.  Addis is starting to understand things a little more and I am learning to let some things go.

I confess that I lost a good friend this week to cancer.  It was a total shock and I'm still trying to process it.  I have been thinking about blogging my thoughts and feelings about this but, right now I'm just not ready to share.  I will say that my friend and her family have been on my mind since I heard the news.  I am deeply saddened by this loss.

I confess that we bought Addis a Halloween costume this week.  He's going to look soooooooo cute.  I am really looking forward to Halloween this year.  I can't to dress him up and take pictures and bring him to our friends and neighbours houses.  Addis had a lot of fun trying on costumes.  He really does look adorable.

I confess that I have finally started reading a book that is not just "a good beach read".  I have a bunch of books that I ordered that are more thought provoking and I have just started the first one.  This book is called "The Help".  I'm about half way through and really enjoying it.

I confess that part of why I'm not feeling mysef lately is because I have let nutrition and exercise fall by the wayside.  I have talked about this is past blogs but it's time to stop talking and start doing.  I need to start keeping track of what I'm eating again and commit to at least 4 days of exercise a week.  I have no idea how to work this in, but I know that I need to find a way.  Can someone please check in next week and see if I'm doing what I said I would.  I'm one of those people that needs to be accountable to someone else to get started and into a good routine.  I think this is something else I need to work on.

I confess that I am excited that the new fall season of tv watching is starting.  I really am a huge couch potato.

I confess that while I really love the Fall, I'm sad that the Summer is over.  I have never had a Summer fly by so quickly.  Oh well, you can't stop the changing of the seasons so I might as well get on board.  I do love being able to wear jeans and a t-shirt and be comfortable.  I love Fall camping.  Hopefully we will be able to find at least one more weekend to camp before it gets too cold.  I love the crisp weather that comes with the Fall.  I love the holidays and events that happen in the Fall - Oktoberfest, Thanksgiving and Halloween. 

I confess that Addis has been sleeping through the night now for a while (Amen) but the past few nights Addis has been really unsettled.  I don't know if he's growing again and is suffering from growing pains or if it's something else.  I hope that things settle soon.

I confess that I am hoping to incorporate bedtime stories into our bedtime routine soon,  I will wait until until Addis is a little more settled again but I want to introduce books to him soon.  I have tried introducing books before but he wasn't interested but, recently he has shown an interest in books and I really want to nuture that interst.  I personally love reading and want to pass that passion on to my son. 

I confess that tonight I spent a great deal of my time putting together two toys for Addis.  These were toys I had bought a long time ago but was waiting to bring out until we were in the new house and had more space.  I got to snap together, screw together and sticker the Little People playsets.  I use to love Little People and hope that Addis feels the same.  It;s a part of my childhood I want to share with him.  

Confession Friday

I confess that we are having trouble with Oz and Addis.  We can't leave them unattended.  Addis doesn't understand that the doggie doesn't want to play and Oz is afraid of the baby who moves too fast and makes a lot of noise.  I don't really know what to do.  Oz has been a part of our lives for 8 years and was a big part in getting me through the fertility and adoption rollercoaster.  Addis is our son.  I'm hoping that we can make this work.  I'm hoping that with a little time Addis will understand that he can't play with Oz the way he does with Jax and that Oz will understand that Addis doesn't mean any harm.

I confess that this has been a very difficult week.  We've had more bad days then good.

I confess that Brian working all these extra hours is becoming very hard for me.

I confess that because this week hasn't been very easy I treated myself to some new books.  I ordered The Book of Negroes, Sarah's Key and Water For Elephants.  I'm looking forward to spending a little "me" time reading them.  Here's hoping I get some "me" time soon.

I confess that we got new phones this week.  My cell phone went on the fritz and I needed a new one.  Brian couldn't let me have a better phone so he got a new phone too.  We got the Blackberry Bold.  I like it but it is taking a little getting use to.  I sort of feel like I have big sausage fingers.  I really like the BBM feature.

I confess I am looking forward to the new fall TV lineup.  I'm such a couch potato.

I confess I'm looking forward to the start of football.  I've been watching a little pre-season and I'm hoping that Peyton Manning gets back on the field soon.  GO COLTS!!!

I confess the house is starting to feel more like home.  We still have a ton of boxes to unpack and we still have some unfurnished rooms but slowly this is starting to feel like home.

I confess I went in to work for a visit the yesterday and I felt a bit like a stranger.  They've moved my desk and it looks like I'll be working on a new team with new brokers.  I'm a little nervous about going back.  Good thing I don't have to worry about that for another few months.  Thanks to all my friends who made me feel missed and welcome yesterday.  It means a lot.

I confess that I'm in need of some fun.  I think I'll see about arranging a night out with the girls soon.  Maybe we can manage a no shoes, no shirt, no shame night.  The kind of night were you might even be tempted to ride the bull at the country bar.